I Am Powerless (by James)

This morning we are at 6 weeks, 5 days pregnant and I think Amanda has been pregnant forever. In reality, tomorrow will be 3 weeks since the positive HPT.

I must admit that I thought having the bi-weekly blood draws and the extra eyes of an MFM would make this pregnancy easier mentally. And, for the most part, it is very helpful. I would rather know that the HGC and Progesterone numbers are climbing than being left in the unknown. There is something to be said about ease of mind.

All of that can quickly go away though as I learned on Thursday. When I am in a far off land (Green Bay, Wisconsin), the last thing I wanted to hear from Amanda is that she has some spotting and slight abdominal pain. There was nothing I could do except pray. And I prayed heavily that day. The good news is that what she experienced was common and the blood results since Thursday indicate that "by the numbers" the pregnancy is going great so far.

Lesson learned - I'm powerless. All the doctor visits, blood draws, internet research are great indicators of things to come. However, I have to continue to rely on God during this pregnancy. Otherwise, I am going to find myself a nervous wreck, walking on egg shells for the next 7-8 months. I refuse to live in a spirit of fear.

Amanda is doing great. She continues to be exhausted beyond belief, but is really resting more than she typically would for a woman constantly on the go. The kids do not expect anything. They're quite oblivious to the whole situation. Amanda and I have open conversations about the pregnancy with them in the room and so far neither Bub or Gracie expect anything. I'm hoping that is the case and they are not playing dumb. I can't wait until the day we will feel comfortable to tell them "our secret".

Friends, please continue to pray. The next couple of weeks are crucial based on our history of miscarriages. 6-8.5 weeks range seems to be when our early losses have occurred. I can sense your prayers. They are greatly appreciated.

I'm excited to visit the OB tomorrow morning to see how things have progressed. Hopefully, we will also be able to answer the question of "twins or not".