Collecting My Thoughts

I've had the information about the condition of our pregnancy for about 24 hours now, and I think it would be a good time to collect some of my thoughts. I still feel stunned and disappointed by the news. I was hopeful yesterday's scan would bring clarity -- one or two, healthy or not. Instead, I have more questions than ever. I'm frustrated at the timing of the news here at Christmastime. Where I felt excited and happy, I now feel concerned and distracted. I'm also no longer allowed to leave town, so the plans to see my family have been completely cancelled.

But all of those are small things compared to my health and the health of this pregnancy and these babies.

First to explain, a heterotopic pregnancy is not a vanishing twin pregnancy. A heterotopic pregnancy is a combination intrauterine and ectopic pregnancy. Heterotopic pregnancies are somewhat common in women who have IVF, but spontaneous heterotopic pregnancies are more rare. A heterotopic pregnancy most commonly includes an ectoptic pregnancy in the fallopian tube. A pregnancy anywhere else -- the cervix, the ovary, or the abdominal cavity -- is less common.

It's true that the twin in my ovary could deteriorate if it has indeed died, but there's a chance that it might live. If the baby lives, the pregnancy could become quite dangerous, potentially killing the baby growing in my uterus, ending my chance at further reproduction, even leaving my life at risk. If the baby dies, well, that's another baby gone.

God is a God of miracles, but in this situation, it's hard to know how to pray.