That Which I Don't Understand (by James)

I am sitting in dark, cold hotel room in Grand Rapids. Michigan, trying to make sense of the recent developments of the pregnancy. I'm confused. I'm not sure what to pray for or even how to pray. It all seems surreal. The odds of a heterotopic pregnancy with one of the twins in the ovary is so rare. Yet, this is where we find ourselves.

I'm ready to get back home and be with Amanda and just hold her and love her and tell her how proud I am of her for being strong and fully relying on God. The same God who has brought us out of tough situations before will do the same again. No matter what the situation or outcome, I cannot deny he is working in our lives.

7 weeks today. For that, I am grateful. A strong heartbeat. A good position in the uterus. I pray for your continued growth Baby A.

For you Baby B, I'm overwhelmed by your presence. I can't understand many things. What I do know is that even if you have passed on, you are still a creation of God that has been given to us.

Tomorrow is a big day and will be more telling of things to come. Please pray for wisdom from the MFM and clarity for us.

God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

I Am Powerless (by James)

This morning we are at 6 weeks, 5 days pregnant and I think Amanda has been pregnant forever. In reality, tomorrow will be 3 weeks since the positive HPT.

I must admit that I thought having the bi-weekly blood draws and the extra eyes of an MFM would make this pregnancy easier mentally. And, for the most part, it is very helpful. I would rather know that the HGC and Progesterone numbers are climbing than being left in the unknown. There is something to be said about ease of mind.

All of that can quickly go away though as I learned on Thursday. When I am in a far off land (Green Bay, Wisconsin), the last thing I wanted to hear from Amanda is that she has some spotting and slight abdominal pain. There was nothing I could do except pray. And I prayed heavily that day. The good news is that what she experienced was common and the blood results since Thursday indicate that "by the numbers" the pregnancy is going great so far.

Lesson learned - I'm powerless. All the doctor visits, blood draws, internet research are great indicators of things to come. However, I have to continue to rely on God during this pregnancy. Otherwise, I am going to find myself a nervous wreck, walking on egg shells for the next 7-8 months. I refuse to live in a spirit of fear.

Amanda is doing great. She continues to be exhausted beyond belief, but is really resting more than she typically would for a woman constantly on the go. The kids do not expect anything. They're quite oblivious to the whole situation. Amanda and I have open conversations about the pregnancy with them in the room and so far neither Bub or Gracie expect anything. I'm hoping that is the case and they are not playing dumb. I can't wait until the day we will feel comfortable to tell them "our secret".

Friends, please continue to pray. The next couple of weeks are crucial based on our history of miscarriages. 6-8.5 weeks range seems to be when our early losses have occurred. I can sense your prayers. They are greatly appreciated.

I'm excited to visit the OB tomorrow morning to see how things have progressed. Hopefully, we will also be able to answer the question of "twins or not".

So Far, So Good (by James)

The nurse called with Amanda's latest blood test results. So far so good! HGC is at 3889 and progesterone climbed to 25.4. Very good numbers. The HGC "doubling time" has decreased a bit t0 57.15. This still puts Amanda in a very good place. (As long as we are doubling HGC every 48-72 hours, we're good.)

I'm anxious for the appointment Monday morning with the MFM, Dr. Trimmer. We should be at a point where we can see gestation sac, fetal pole, heart beat, etc...

I have been tracking Amanda's HGC numbers at www.betabase.info. She is still tracking at the median range for twins and tracking very high for a singleton. We are excited at the possibilities of multiples! We should definitely know on Monday how many we can expect.

Today is the first day since we found out about the pregnancy that time has actually not stood still. We are at 5 weeks 4 days today and now can see 6 weeks at the end of the tunnel.

Amanda has been exhausted. The busy times of the Holiday Season aren't helping things either.

Thank you friends for your continued prayers. They are truly appreciated and felt.

Keep growing baby.

Only 9 days -- Really!? (by James)

Has it really been only 9 days since we found out Amanda was pregnant? I don't think time can move any slower than it has.

I'm so happy we have made it to 5 weeks and 1 day today. There is something to be said about little victories. I know we have lots still ahead and things may change with each blood test results. But as for now I say "THANK YOU GOD!"

Monday we will know more of where this pregnancy is headed. I am excited, yet scared. The problem is I know way too much about early pregnancy than any person not an OB/GYN should know thanks to the internet.

Could it be twins? Maybe. That would be a nice surprise.

Still praying hard for you baby (babies).

Initial Impressions (by James)

James here. I wanted to share my current emotions and feelings.

First off, I am extremely grateful and feel that God has blessed Amanda with this pregnancy. I will be the first to admit that I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I have made the decision to "live in the moment" and not fear of the unknown.

After months of trying to conceive, I will be honest, I reached the point that I did not think we were going to ever able to conceive again. Amanda and I had recently come to realize that we would be content with this and pursue adoption further. God, thankfully, has other plans!

I have been extremely emotional. In my prayer time, meditation, listening to Christmas music, etc... I get overwhelmed with joy and tears in a matter of seconds. Leading up to this pregnancy, I "just knew" everything would be easy once we conceived. Not so. I realize there is so much that could go wrong at the blink of an eye based on our prior history in pregnancies. Yet, I am grateful!

I want to tell all my friends and the kids today, but know I can't yet. It's hard, especially for the kids. They want a baby brother/sister so bad. Gracie prays for that (literally) every night. I am thankful for those few friends we have told and appreciate their prayers and intercessions. The last 5 days have been joyous, and has made this Christmas season extra special.

Baby, I am praying for you.