On Sleeping and Scares

I was thinking back today of my previous pregnancies. When I was pregnant with Gracie, Bub was a daycare baby and I worked a full-time job. I got up every morning, packed a diaper bag, and commuted to an office in a downtown skyrise. I didn't nap. In fact, I had terrible insomnia and I hardly slept at all. Even when my pregnancy became high-risk and I was later hospitalized, I only dozed when the Phenergan kicked in.

When I was pregnant with Zachary, I had two kids in public school and I was very involved in their endeavors. We also decided the time had come to buy another house, so I toured homes through the week. We moved when I was about 15 weeks pregnant. I sorted and packed nearly all of our things on my own, we moved with minimal help, and the unpacking responsibilities were mine alone. Even then in the midst of actual physical labor, I had energy to spare.

Here I am now at 16 weeks gestation, and I can hardly keep my eyes open. I wake up from a full night's sleep still as tired as ever. At night, I fall asleep nearly as soon as my head hits a pillow. I could sleep nearly all day long if I had that kind of freedom. I thought I was supposed to have some sort of influx of energy here in the second trimester, but so far, I've had no such luck. I have rooms to redesign and rearrange, children to educate, company to host, and a life to live -- but hardly any energy to do any of those things. I'm hoping I get some rest before this baby comes.

Things could be worse, though -- I know that. My complaint is oh-so-small comparatively. In fact, last night when we used the doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat, I couldn't find it. I could hear the whoosh sound of the placenta working, but no baby. I listened in for quite some time, and after a while, I was concerned there wasn't a heartbeat to hear anymore.

James, in true form, was freaking out, wanting nothing more than to rush me to the emergency room. But I refused to go. Either there was a heartbeat and I, in a most unskilled way, couldn't find it, or the baby had died. There's nothing that can be done about that. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, so there was no reason to rush to the ER when, even if the baby had died, they wouldn't do anything before then. On that note, I went straight to sleep (my head was on a pillow, so it couldn't be helped). Poor James stayed up nearly all night long researching doppler usage and various other topics that provided no comfort.

This morning, James woke me up long before it was necessary to search for the baby once again, and sure enough, there she was in the same spot she often is. I have to admit it was so comforting hearing her heartbeat after I thought it might have been gone for good. James, though, was most relieved of all. So relieved, in fact, it was hard for me to tell if he might cry or fall asleep. I could have fallen asleep right along with him.